The Mask of Melpomene Read online

The Mask of Melpomene

  By Anne Spackman

  Copyright 2015 by Anne Spackman

  All rights reserved.

  “I sometimes wonder what it’s all for,” said Brian with a sigh. “Everything I have ever done up until this moment, well, I always felt I had a reason, and a purpose, and a driving ambition behind me making me do what I did. But in the last few months, I have been wondering, what is it all for, and who cares, and why am I driving myself so hard to achieve some greatness that is merely temporary?”

  “What is all this?” said Diana, Brian’s girlfriend. Her pretty, heart-shaped face turned to him, and her eyes showed her concern. After the end of the play in which Brian had acted, the two had gone to a nearby bar for a drink to celebrate the play’s good reviews.

  “I could be doing something more lucrative and far easier for a living than acting on the small stage. I guess I wonder at times that in an attempt to make ourselves great at what we do, spending so much time pursuing perfection, we become too removed from the ordinary life.” Said Brian. “Even if we achieve something special in our lives, it is always something that estranges us from those who don’t understand it.”

  “You shouldn’t care if people don’t understand why you do it,” said Diana with a shrug. “Just do what you do for yourself and for those who will appreciate you. Anyway, I think we should go. You need to get some sleep for tomorrow. You seem like you’re under a lot of stress.”

  “Diana, I’m not saying I don’t still love acting, and perhaps I am under a lot of stress, but I am ok, I think. I feel good.”

  Diana smiled at Brian, a little mollified by this, and ordered him another drink. She turned towards him and took a sip of her fruity vodka drink.

  “I suppose everyone has had a doubt about what he’s doing with his life every now and again.” Said Brian. “But I love the theater, drama, the performances. Every play I have been in and every role I have ever played has made a mark on me. I suppose in the end, it was all worthwhile.”

  “Now that’s the spirit!” said Diana, noticing that Brian was becoming more positive again. She smiled at him. “I’m glad.”

  They finished their drinks and headed out into the night air.

  “The moon is full.” Said Brian, taking Diana’s arm.

  “It is,” she said, looking up.

  Crunch, crunch, went their feet on the snow.

  * * * * *

  “Why would you pick that?” Diana asked, looking at Brian as they walked up the aisle of the supermarket. “You aren’t going to eat that.”

  “It’s an eggplant, honey.” Said Brian.

  “I know what it is, but when was the last time you cooked anything?”

  “I thought I’d take up gourmet cooking.” Said Brian. “Learn a new skill.”

  “You did?”

  “I want to do some things I haven’t ever tried before,” said Brian.

  “Ok, sounds good to me,” enthused Diana. “I’ll be your guinea pig and you can try anything on me.”

  “Thanks,” said Brian. “I may do that. By the way, I figured it out,” he added suddenly.

  “What?”

  “The answer to my question last night. Why try to achieve anything great when the achievement is only temporary.”

  “And what did you figure out is the answer?” asked Diana.

  “That the reason for doing it is because you love to see the world become a better place because of what you have brought to it.” Said Brian.

  “So it’s a simple answer, then,” said Diana.

  “I suppose so, but it took me a while to realize this. Anyway, it’s a kind of struggle, this attempt to create or do something worthwhile and lasting, that is. You struggle every day to do something great because the world is so full of chaos and destruction.”

  “Well, you may have a point.” Said Diana, trying to understand for his sake. She wasn’t as philosophical as he was.

  “Think of it this way, Diana. You have to fight against the things that make us as a human race suffer, the things that bring humanity down as it were. The best way for someone like me to fight against the worst things that plague the human race is to create things to inspire the human soul.”

  “I’m not sure I follow you, exactly,” said Diana. “But Brian, I have some news of my own to tell you. I have been transferred to the Manhattan office. I don’t know what I should do.”

  Brian stopped in shock. “What do you want to do?” They were in a serious relationship and had been together for four years. What did this mean for him, and for them as a couple, if she moved to New York City?

  “I was thinking about it, Brian. I care a lot about you, and I don’t want to disrupt your career, but I really do want to move to Manhattan and accept this transfer. This is the best opportunity I’ve ever had in my whole career. Is there any way—we could both move to Manhattan together? I mean, could you find another theater and another job there?”

  Brian was silent for a moment, and put down the chicken soup in his hand.

  “Well, I don’t know.” Said Brian. “I could come to NY with you, but finding a job as an actor at a new theater could prove difficult.”

  “I can pay the bills until you do.” Said Diana. “I would be getting a big salary increase. Besides, isn’t New York City the city with some of the greatest opportunities for actors?”

  “I would hate to say good-bye to my theater here. And it would be a big risk for me. I have established a career here, for more than ten years.”

  “I know,” said Diana, crestfallen as Brian said this.

  “I suppose, though, I have to consider your career as well.” Brian stopped for a moment, and then he looked serious. “If this really is a good opportunity for you, well then maybe I can find something in Manhattan as well.”

  “Oh, Brian!” Exclaimed Diana.

  “How much time before you have to decide?”

  “Two weeks.”

  “I’ll give my notice at the theater tomorrow.” Said Brian. Suddenly, his heart leaped in his throat.

  * * * * *

  They packed the belongings of their apartment the next week and were in New York City in three weeks. But, they had to rent an apartment in nearby New Jersey in order to afford the rent.

  Brian spent two months going to theaters in New York and trying to get an agent, as well as looking for acting jobs. But, for two months, he was unable to find any work. He decided in the end to call a friend at the theater in Chicago, and he asked her if she knew anyone in New York he could talk to. Brian was beginning to get frustrated, and he had recently invested in some new head shots. Already he had been to a dozen auditions, and hadn’t been cast for any roles so far.

  Finally, after two and a half months of auditions, Brian got a small role in a play. He returned home that night with news.

  “Oh, Brian!” said Diana, as he told her about it. “I’m so glad for you. To tell you the truth, I was beginning to worry.”

  Brian sighed. “I was, too. This is a small role, but it’s a start.”

  “Brian, can you make me dinner? I am so tired from work I feel as though I am going to fall over any minute.”

  “Sure,” said Brian, “here, sit down.” And he pulled out the chair to the kitchen table for her. “Dinner for two, coming right up,” he said, mimicking an Italian accent.

  “So I guess it’s to be Italian tonight.” She laughed. “Well, that’s fine. I really appreciate it, Brian!”

  Brian came over and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. “I know, sweetie. I know.”

  In the end, they sat and watched an old film and ate a small bowl of pasta with vegetables. Diana fell asleep
on the couch, and Brian picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, took off her shoes, and tucked her into bed. But he stayed up late into the night, reading a Shakespearean tragedy, and wondering what other work he could find.

  The t.v. that was still on a low volume went to a commercial. Suddenly, Brian realized that he might try to get a commercial as well. Commercials were lucrative, and he would get paid for each airing. He knew there would be a lot of competition in getting cast in a commercial, but there were also so many other things and places he could try for more acting jobs. He decided to be optimistic. But, Brian also felt a bit overwhelmed by the task that was before him, and, at 1 p.m., he finally headed into the bedroom to go to sleep.

  * * * * *

  Et, voilà, he thought, putting a near-perfect omelette on a plate.

  Brian had also made toast for breakfast, and was proud of himself that it had turned out well. He had gotten reasonably good at cooking in the last two months. He wore a triumphant smile as he brought a tray to Diana at about 5:45 a.m.

  “My gosh, this looks great.” Said Diana, clapping. “When did you learn to make an omelette? It looks so delicious!”

  “I’ve had some time on my hands,” said Brian. “Anyway, I couldn’t sleep. I thought I might make you a fresh breakfast before you had to head out.”

  “Well, thanks. I’ll eat the omelette, but I might have to grab the toast and go. I think I overslept. I meant to head in early today.”

  “Oh.” Said Brian.

  “I love you! Thanks for breakfast.” Said Diana, leaning over for a kiss.

  “I love you, too.” Said Brian. “I’m sorry if I woke you last night.”

  “Oh, you didn’t.” Said Diana. “I was out cold and nothing was waking me, I tell you. This is excellent, Brian,” she said, after eating a mouthful of food.

  “Well, maybe I can get a job as a chef.” Said Brian with a little laugh.

  “Oh, Brian.” Said Diana, her eyes looking concerned. “Be happy, you got a new job! See what happens and where it leads.”

  “Thanks, Diana, for being so supportive,” said Brian. “I should see what happens with this.”

  “Good, so tell me about it.”

  “Well, it isn’t Shakespeare, Johnson, Marlowe, or anything like what I’ve been performing in the last five years. It’s a modern play written by the director and producer for a small theater. The pay is terrible.”

  “Brian, you will be good in this, I know it. I remember the first time I ever saw you. You made me shiver, you were that good. Just give it all you’ve got, no matter how small the audience, no matter how low the pay.”

  “I will, sweetie. Thanks for the vote of confidence.” He kissed her on the cheek, took the empty plate, and headed back into the kitchen.

  As he left, he knew he loved Diana, but he wondered often about the void that seemed to exist between people and their lives, as close as they were to each other. She didn’t quite understand him, he guessed, and though he had been resigned to a lonely life before he met her, now he felt as though he wanted her to understand everything at times, and at other times, he felt as though this was impossible for anyone. Nevertheless, he was excited, and hurried to put the dishes in the washer. Then he waited for Diana to leave, and started to rehearse his lines in the bedroom.

  By ten o’ clock, when he had to leave for the rehearsal, he was ready.

  * * * * *

  It took a year for Brian to establish himself as an actor in Manhattan. After eight months, he had finally gotten an agent, who had really brought him some steady work. Brian had even considered voice-acting, and he had signed a contract to read for an audio books company on Sundays twice a month. Brian discovered he really enjoyed this, and had a flair for reading books, though he had never really used a microphone before and had to learn initially how not to “pop his p’s”, the director told him, which essentially meant that he had to control how he said the letter “p” not to produce an awful popping noise through the microphone.

  Brian noticed however, that stress was really affecting Diana. She stayed at work later and later, and left really early every morning, and some nights she came in and just went right to bed. Brian was starting to worry about her, but he hated to ask her questions when she wasn’t in the best mood which might make her unhappy, so he kept quiet and just helped put away the shoes she had left at the door.

  Week-ends were the best times for them both, although in addition to the voice-acting on Sundays sometimes Brian had to perform on Saturdays and on Saturday nights, but that also gave Diana something fun to do if she came to the plays and time by herself if she didn’t come to the plays.

  One day, on the anniversary of their year move to New York City, Diana returned home to a wonderful candlelit meal and a gift box at her plate.

  “Brian, how sweet!” she said, coming in the door and dropping her briefcase.

  “Eggplant parmiagiana, risotto, steamed broccoli. A good Italian Chianti, and I have some news. Happy Anniversary, honey.”

  “Anniversary? Oh, yes,” she laughed. “Our first year here already!”

  “Yes, our first year.” He said.

  “It doesn’t seem as though it’s been that long yet. Time flies.” Said Diana.

  “It certainly does, though there were times I just wanted to go back to Chicago. But I have good news. Yours truly has just landed a soap commercial.”

  “Congratulations, Brian! I can’t wait to see it!”

  “I’ll take you out to celebrate when it’s done.”

  “What’s in the box?” said Diana suddenly, picking up the small box in front of her plate.

  “Well, why don’t you open it up and see?” said Brian.

  “All right,” she said, sitting at the dinner place and picking up the box. She pulled off the ribbon, and opened the lid. Inside was a lovely diamond ring. She jumped a bit and exclaimed in surprise.

  “Oh my gosh, Brian, it’s gorgeous!” She said, putting it on her finger and pushing back her hand to admire it for a second. Brian had gotten up and was kneeling beside her. “Marry me, Diana. I love you.”

  “I will!” said Diana. “I’ve never been so happy.” Brian took her hand, stood and kissed her. His eyes were misting a bit as she was so happy to look at, and she looked as though she was on the verge of tears.

  “Here, sit down again,” said Brian. “You haven’t had eggplant like this before.” He laughed.

  * * * * *

  A month later, Brian had returned home to Chicago for a short visit to his old theater and met up with an old friend from the theater for a short walk by the Lakeshore during her lunch break. Her name was Catherine.

  “So, Brian, how are things? I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your wedding. I’m glad for you, really, I just got busy.”

  “I understand it happened on short notice,” said Brian. “Anyway, how is everyone from the theater?”

  “Gordon never quite forgave you for leaving, you know. He does know why you left, but you know how he is. It wasn’t the same for a while, but we finally found some actors who could do what you alone seemed to manage by yourself. I never realized that you helped built the sets as well until Gordon told me that.”

  Brian smiled.

  “Anyway, the show must go on,” said Catherine. “I missed you. So did some of the others, but life goes on, doesn’t it? Glad to hear you are doing well. I saw your email about the commercial. Congratulations.”

  “Thanks. It went all right. The pay was really good, and believe me I’m not complaining. But I still prefer to perform Shakespeare and Marlowe.”

  “I know you, Brian. You don’t smile a lot, but I know when you’re happy.”

  “And when I’m not? You think I would have been better off if I’d stayed here in Chicago?”

  “I’m not saying that, but I know you miss the plays and the life here. I can tell. Still, you seem to be happy and to ha
ve done well in New York, and, I can tell you like doing the commercials.”

  Brian sighed. “I was dependent upon Diana for a while when we first moved, or at least she was paying the rent. I just feel better now that I’ve got my career on track. I don’t want for her to have to support me.”

  “I understand,” said Catherine, stopping to look across the water. “Well, I’d better get back to work. Can’t take more than an hour off these days. It was good to see you, Brian. Just appreciate what you’ve got now, is all I can say to you, and I’m sure you do. You can’t go back.”

  Brian nodded.

  * * * * *

  It was late that Sunday night when Brian got back to their New Jersey apartment. He was tired, and brought in his luggage and tried not to wake Diana, but she had appeared in the living room after a minute.

  “Glad to see you, sweetie.” She said, coming in to welcome him home. “I stayed up a while, but fell asleep on the couch at midnight and decided to go to bed.”

  “It’s ok, I didn’t expect you to wait up for me,” said Brian. “Glad to see you, too. I missed you! Chicago wasn’t the same without you.”

  “Well, I will hear all about it in the morning.” Said Diana, “but for now, I will go back to bed. I have an early morning meeting. I love you, and am so glad you’re home again.”

  Brian watched her leave and stayed up for a few more minutes before he went in to sleep as well.

  He felt truly fortunate to have his wife. Asleep, she was so peaceful, and he curled up beside her and put his arms around her. She nestled closer to him and he thought he saw her smile in her sleep.

  And he realized then and there that he was happy. There was a lot more waiting out there for him to learn and do, and he was glad he had been given the opportunities he had. He was glad he had what he did.

  He hugged Diana tighter, and fell asleep.